I’m ME

One thing that I do know is that things happen for a reason, but sometimes the things that happen would have been better unexplored. It’s almost more than I can take, the events that happen shouldn’t have ever been considered by the Gods. they control life as we know it, sadly enough I have come to believe they are the reason why I cry myself to sleep night after night. I can’t take this feeling anymore! I can’t believe that I have lived this way for so long.

I have hid from my feelings for too long and I’m tired of feeling and telling myself that I’m the only one with the this problem. I know there are other people out there that are going through the same thing I am but I’m scared to open up again. I’m scared to volunteeringly send out an invite to get hurt again; to start this process of finding myself over once more.

But I’m finally ready to say that no matter what happens I’ll still have the comfort of my tears at night, and my fake smile during the daylight. No matter who pushes me down, no matter who tries to wipe away my teasrs, I’m FINALLY confident enough to say…No one can change me, even if I’m messed up, or really the person I’m supposed to be.

                                                                        …I’m ME…

                                                  I love you?

Three words that used to mean so much to people, used to mean everything and some, but now days I feel its only a saying between friends, or a joking matter. You see people now days putting ily (i love you) at the end of text messages to friends/foes. Or just saying it because someone did something nice for you.

Does it really mean that little to people now….?

Three words that used to mean so much to people…to me…has become nothing more then a simple and heartfealt goodbye.

I was going through my pictures that I had on my computer, and came across this one…it really made me think of previous relationships, as much as I want to try and hid from those times, I thought about them and the feelings I had back then. I remember being with my first boyfriend and how lucky I thought I was to be saying these three simple words to him daily, thinking that I really was in love…but now I come to realize I was blinded by my own stupidity. Love takes a lot more then most people realize! Sadly enough no one has been able to understand completely what love feels like or looks like so you know when you are in the midst of it.

All I can say is that when I saw this picture I really began to ponder the real idea of relationships. Because you have to go through all the bad times to experience and in fact imbrace the feeling of truly being in love. Honestly I don’t think that I have ever been in love, or even began to feel the real warmth of it’s presents, but I hope the best for myself and others in this life long search for that one person that really makes you want to say “I love you” to every morning and night, hoping you will make it through another day as happy as you were the last.

                                               Have you ever been in love?

                                          Higher Power

Sometimes I wonder why things are the way they are. Who decides the outcome of all power and we are told early on that we control our own lives; but sometimes I really wonder if we have any control at all.

Who made…life as it is…God right? And we are taught to love and believe in this one man that one, no one has seen and two, who is dead. I’m NOT saying that God is a bad guy and is out to get the things he souly created I’m just saying is he the reason our lives are the way they are?

Parents teach their kids at an early age that actions most of the time result in a consequence. And I realize that most of the opporunities we have in life are from our own previous actions. BUT…that’s MOST…there are a few times when unexpected things happen; who caused those? And then it makes you wonder, are you actually controlling your own actions? God made us….

Once again I’m not saying that God is a bad guy or that he is the soul reason our lives are the way they are. I just sometimes wonder…

                                                                   Why am I going through this?!?