Alone

Ever noticed that when you find yourself all alone, you can’t seem to find someone to listen to your thoughts, your feelings, or your dreams of hope?  Every time you find yourself alone it seems the world has completely shut you out and you can’t seem to find the way out.

I found this picture the other night just randomally looking on Google. The first and only thing that came to mind when I saw it was how it really shows what I’m feeling when I’m left alone to my own thoughts, and fears; completely trapped behind a closed door. One I can’t find the key to, the one I can’t seem to open. 

I now feel lonely, only with the company of my thoughts and fears of my life ahead.  I can’t seem to shake the feeling of being left behind when my friends say goodbye for the last time, when they finally realize they have a future, and I stand back and wave, knowing I may never see them again, but then also knowing they will someday live the life they planned from the beginning. Everything seems to be working in their favor, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep like it’s a habit. They smile and I see the flaws, they laugh and I can’t help but wish I knew the joke behind it all, they have dreams and I have night mares. They have a future and I have a soaked pillow.

I wish so much for my friends, but then I wonder if they are the only reason I have a life at all. I realize they are the reason for the way I am, but are they the ONLY reason I’m still living…living the way I do? Friends are supposed to change you for the good, but I fear that I’m running in the wrong direction, trying to show them who I am…but who I’m really not.

I try to impress, but yet I’m the only one with the depress? I can’t understand why I feel lonely, I have friends that love me, but no one that really understands me. I search for someone, I find a dead end; and once again find myself closed behind that door. The one I have unforunitely lost the key to.

Everyone says “you hold the key to my heart” but I want to know…where is my key…I know my heart is never going to closed off to love..I can’t risk missing something. But where is my key, the one to up my life and show me to the other side, the other side of living and to a place where the sun actually does shine.

                                                              Don’t loose your key…

                                                                        You will need it someday….

                Got A Wall Up?

Found this picture off a deviantart.com today and couldn’t stop thinking about the idea of having a wall between the people you love; obviously because that is what this picture is portraying.

But than I began to really ponder this picture and the message it is trying to illustrate. I believe it shows that even though people have feelings for each other and even sometimes love comes into play you still can’t help but put a wall in the way. It’s for your own protection; your own sake; just to keep you well awake to the feelings that begin to demonstrate. The feelings that begin to develop even though you try and push them aside; to tell yourself they aren’t real and you can forget about them. All I can say is good luck.

I understand why people put a wall up. They hid. They are ashamed of the problems they have, they don’t want to accept the fact that they are different from the cookie cutter image. They hid. They find something else to hid behind if not a wall; a different person, someone they can hold on to and eventually get attached to. They find love. They find a meaning. The find life.

Until all hell breaks loose, and that certain person decides to run in the opposite direction leaving everything that once was perfect now a living night mare for the other. Bringing back all the lies…the hate…the disappointment…and disapproval of all. Showing again that life is hard and bringing back the idea of the wall, the one thing that used to bring comfort and bliss, but now conveys a darkening feeling. Because now you wonder who that next person is going to be; that is going to break down that barrier, that one person that is going to make you feel comfortable enough to open up again; and that one person that is going to make you hurt the most in the end.

It only takes one time to scare you for the rest of your life. Just be careful of who you open up to. Just because they think they know you, or they think they understand the feelings you are going through. They have NO idea. Everything varies from one person to another, and many people believe they know all. But let me tell you something; if they knew all they wouldn’t be standing in front of YOU explaining that you should open up to them. Wouldn’t you think that if they knew everything they would be a little bit more prominent?

                                                   Don’t open the door to just anyone…

                         Half Empty…Half Full

I was pondering something earlier today and I couldn’t help but not write about it when I finally got the chance.

The only thing that really made me start to consider this was when I was sitting at the breakfast table this morning staring at my glass of milk. After a while I remembered the metaphor referring to life as a half empty or half full glass.

I began to ponder this thought, thinking to myself that things are a lot like that metaphor because life can be full at times, but then the empty feeling can also apply. I continued to think about this as the day went on and I came to realize that this figure of speech is more actuate then I first came to understand.

If the glass is half empty, life is understood to be uneventful and boring, but yet if thought about deeper it is also thought to represent the feeling of being left behind; forgotten or pushed aside to make room for another memory or contemplation. If you think about the glass being half empty when you see it, it’s not always bad news though, don’t worry…most people think that. The human species is like that, we are naturally greedy; we want more out of life. Everyone does, everyone has dreams and hopes for the future, even if its only a selfless need for fulfillment in their glassware.

But then again if you think of things half full, life is thought to be upbeat and opportunistic. But yet again if thought about a little deeper it is a realization that things can be better and times can change. But after I thought about this side for a while I came to realize there was a flaw in even my own mind. Even though the glass is already thought to be half full there is still room for improvment. Eveyone tries to be the best and on top, so even though things seem to be okay, the people that take life this way are the ones that are struggling the most with life; that are trying the hardest to get their head above water (pun). Obviously no matter how you think about a situation there are always loop holes and times when everything could be turned upside down to reavile the very opposite of the answer you just upturned.

All I’m saying is that even though you may think differently than someone else with the same aspiration it doesn’t mean they are wrong or that you may be. It’s just that different people have different problems, and everyone is going to take it a different way. Even if you believe yourself to understand what the other person is going through, nothing is going to have the exact same feeling. So if your glass is half empty or half full, life will continue to go on and things will work themselves out.

                                          Is your glass half empty or half full…….?

                                        Egotistical Texting

“I miss u”

“rly”

“more than u no”

Finger tips…meet…key pad…something happens…egotistical texting

Tell me why is it when their finger tips touch a key pad, their level of self esteem rises? Everything changes, even emotions. You get the typical messages back and forth. Then you start to talk about something actually worth while and their ego starts to show. That’s why texting relationships never work! I have come to believe that if you base your solo communication key on texting with your significant other your relationship is bound to head south.

Don’t let your last words be your signature…be original

                                                                   CALL……..

Stone Girl

 I was searching through Google pictures just a few minutes ago and I stumbled over this picture, the first thing I thought when I first saw it was “okay regular female statue”, and quickly pressed backspace taking me back to my search engine; but then I rethought the picture and decided to take another look. Clicking on it again.

Staring at a it for a few minutes, made me begin to realize there is more to this picture then the first apparent statue.

1. It represents a female (obviously) sitting in the middle of a normally busy site. But now completely left abounded and open for an active mind to wonder. Sometimes a good thing, but in certain moments can bring about a different outcome.

2. She is sitting alone, no one around, no one to talk to, no one caring.

3. In black and white, giving it a very thoughtful look. This look is also pulled off because of the way the girl is sitting. Holding herself in a way, many do when thinking.

4. Looking out onto this open area.

Now after actually taking in the picture like the photographer intended it to be taken. I grasp the emotion of the picture, seeing what he saw, and understanding why it was taken.

I believe this picture to be showing that; even though things aren’t working all that well, and you feel like you are standing still and everything is going on around you, things still happen to you. Even though you happen to be in the background right now, you might be the center of the “picture” at times. And even though you are at the back right now you are seeing all the things out in front of you, all that is happening, and preparing you for the center roll.

              For You I Will

Telling someone they mean everything to you, and you can’t live without them; it’s just telling yourself that you are stuck on one idea, and you don’t want to except the fact that you will never have them completely to yourself; there will always be some excuse pushing you out of their thought process. I was talking to one of my friends today, she was explaining that she couldn’t understand why she has been feeling sick the last few days. But then she had a break through and is now stuck on the idea that she is heart broken over some guy. A guy she claims to have known longer than she can remember but being her best friend I have just now heard of him for the first time.

Being the best friend and all I have to help in anyway that I can. But right now I’m so confused because she tells me one day that she is over him and things are going to just go on like normal. Then the next day she is sending me a crazy long text message saying she can’t live without him, and her body is subconsciously hurting from the withdraws from his touch. I know the feeling for the want of a males touch, but believing that he is the reason for my friend not eating or doing anything normal is just a superstition.

It scares me to think that my friend is willing to do anything for a guy she really doesn’t know all that well, or at least I don’t believe she knows him well enough to be going through ALL this trouble for him. She freaks out when she can’t be around him every single second of the day, but then she is terrified to be around him when she has the chance. Some people would call that a crush, I call that obsessed for reasons unexplained. Quite honestly as harsh as it is, I think she is just looking for attention from the male species, she hasn’t been around too many of that gene pool lately and she is sucking it for all it’s worth. And that’s not the kind of relationship or scheme she needs to be looking forward to.

I’m frightened for her. I’m scared to think that she believes she is happy with this guy and the effects he brings everyday. I tell myself that things are new, things are starting over and it’s all going to change after the sun rises the next morning. Then I roll out of bed and realize I haven’t escaped the empty feeling of being alone myself; but yet again feeling over joyed that my friend has found someone, even if things aren’t going like I think they should, but I guess that’s why she is in the middle of it and I’m just a spectator.

                                                                        Are you the one outside the window watching the action?

……For You I Will…Till The End…My Friend…

 

 

 Plugged In?

… … … …Why is it that music is better than medicine. Seems to cure so much more then a little aqua and a small caplet would. Almost any situation can be thought to have a music backdrop on it; or everything has a theme song. I mean TV shows, and movies are a given, but think about your perfect moment; or a first loves kiss; can’t you seem to hear a melody?

Everything was set to music, it was meant that way. Even if you have to personalize it with head phones or sing along with one of your favorites in the car; your life was meant to be harmonized; and put to words.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you, you can’t sing. Because that’s just a realization that they have given up on their inner song. They have given up on trying to write out their life to a certain beat. Not just songs, lives too have different verses, don’t forget the words….                

                                                                                          

                                                                                  Make up your own!

Two Words…

Two words, meaning one…forever

Today I was watching a wedding show with my mother. I think it’s called Platinum Weddings. I started watching on a part where one of the couples was talking about how the rings represent the marriage itself. the outside band of the ring may get scratched and scarred but the inside band will always be clean and shiny, just like new. I think it was explaining that love has two sides. It can make you hurt and have a few marks you would rather not show, but then turn it over and see the other side of things and you realize that it’s all good and fun; surprisingly showing you that things could be okay in the end.

Kind of ironic that a ring is circular and everyone says that life is a never ending circle. 

                                           Is it a sign?

Won’t be on much….Grounded!

 

Light One

Nothing special today, everyone has something to do considering it’s the fourth of July. So I won’t make it long…

Everyone wonders why fireworks catch their eye so much more then say…a normal light…it’s because of the different colors the different shapes…well aren’t fireworks like dreams? All different; all with a unique ending?

The fourth of July is also known as Independence Day…The new beginning! Shouldn’t today be the day for a new dream?                                Light one now!